Day 51-Spilled Malt

Dear UNL,

     We were walking around campus one day when we saw this.  We're not going to lie, it did want to make us cry.  Just look at the picture.  An ENTIRE malt/milkshake.... spilled on the asphalt.  Who in their right mind; 1. spills a milkshake/malt, and 2. ESPCIALLY IF IT'S FROM SONIC?!?!   That is just getting away with murder! 

     It was saddening to see how wasteful who ever the owner of this was.  We don't spill malts on campus. That is against the rules. Who wants to see spillage?  So, please tell everyone to be careful..... we want to keep all the malts/milkshakes safe. Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and wish you didn't have butterfingers).

Sincerely,
killa & 

Day 50-Snowpants ona Balmy day

Dear UNL,

     Please tell us why these people are dressed in snow suits.... when it's warmer than 75 degrees outside?!  We belived we missed a memo.  We mean, is this like the "MC Hammer Parachute Pants" thing that was going on for a little bit....back when America was lost about general fashion?  We don't really want to see other people walking around in snow suits in the dead of summer! 

     These people must be from somewhere REAAAAALLLY hot\warm if they think it's cold enough for snow pants.  Though, now that we think about it, where would they get snow pants, or why would they  have snow pants, if they hail from a place where 75 degrees is cold.  That was the part that really kind of stumped us.  Did they borrow them?  Or possibly *steal* them.  We hope not.

     Please keep us updated on the current, plausible fashion trends.  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and wonder about the people who chose strange clothing).  

Sincerely,

killa & barney

Day 49-Broken Chair

Dear UNL,

     Being a student at UNL, well being a student at any secondary education institution, you are bound to see some pretty weird stuff.  Whether it be horrible fashion sense, football players texting while jaywalking, or even people talking to trees, it is bound to be different and not what you'd expect in the least.  So this will be something...different.

     Let us set the scene.  It's getting to be around 12:28.... we're on our way into the Biology Lecture Hall.  We look around for a seat as the room is packed with students who don't really seem to care, talking away as the professor readies himself at the front.  We finally spot some seats in the right back corner next to the wall and make our way to our chosen destination.  [Let us interrupt the story to describe these seats to you.  They are very retro, hard plastic, obnoxiously yellow chairs that are bolted securely (or so we thought) to the ground.  Permanently attached to them are swingy desks that are barely big enough for your note book.  Now these seats are strangely shaped, but once you look past this, you notice the color is much like Tweety Bird.  Now back to our story.] We pick up our bags, suck in our tummies, and tiptoe and stumble down the aisle tossing out "Oh!  Excuse me!" and "I'm sorry!" 's along the way as students do not do the polite thing(which is making the trip easier by moving out of the way).  Instead, they seem intent on making the journey horribly uncomfortable and slinking lower in their chair so you are forced to trip and jump over their legs.  We are sure you can imagine the trouble we had making it to the coveted chairs on the wall.  Just picture us flailing our arms, jumping up and down, and maybe even squawking. Once we made it, we collapsed into the chairs, noticing we made it with less than a minute to spare.

     Not even 15 seconds later, a guy stumbles up behind us, asks if the one last chair in the room is taken.  Now notice that this chair is three away from the wall and there are at least four other people on the other side where normal students would think to enter.  This guy, obviously under the influence of something(sleep deprivation, drugs, alcohol, post hit by a car shock, we can't say), decides that trying to make the journey like we did, was not on the agenda.  So he tosses his back pack over the chair and onto the floor.  By this time, we are thoroughly interested in what he's going to do.  Is he going to crawl under the chair and appear on the other side?  Will we witness a real live, Harry Potter-like apparition?  Is he going to take a running start and vault over the chair?   No, none of the previous happened.  He raised one leg and set his big, huge foot down on the chair and he hefted himself up and ov-  Yup, it kinda stops there.  At least his ascent into the chair.  The chair, who now has feelings, decides that it doesn't really enjoy some stranger's humungo, stinky feet stepping on it's face.  So it snaps in anger and frustration.  Literally.  The two bolts on the back of the chair stretch up and snap, as if in slow motion, the heads of the bolts flinging forward into the rows of students in front.  The tile jumps up, as if still connected to the chair and then flies backwards and hits the wall.  All the while the chair is groaning and popping, like no other noisy firecracker could.  Once he's kinda fallen onto what would have been killa, had she not moved, he kinda looked at us, looked at the chair and went..".....uhhhhhhhh.......".  He starts to move the chair and notices it's only attached to the floor by two bolts in the front.  He pushes the chair back and it bobs forward again, like one of those balancing birds.  He pushes it a couple more times and it bobs forward again.  He watches the chair do this several times, each time looking like he never knew it could do that, before he realizes that if he sits in it, the chair will stay down.  So he sits in the broken, saddened chair and has to continually re-adjust his spot on the tile as the chair keeps slipping. We sit there alternating between disbelief that he broke this poor, innocent little chair and laughing at his uncomfortable misfortune.

     That was pretty much the most interesting first four minutes of class EVER!  Once class was out, the guy lit out of class like his tail was on fire and everyone passing down the aisle looked at the poor forlorn little chair.  We were unable to help it and we dearly wish it was fixed.  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and start a People for the Ethical Treatment of Chairs and Furniture).

Sincerely,

killa & barney

Day 48-Creepy Rec Advertisement

Dear UNL,

     We saw something kinda, somewhat disturbing the other day while walking through the City Campus Union.  Now..... it startled us at first... then we really looked at the picture and we decided that it would probably make us not want to go.

     It has to do with the Campus Recreation advertisment poster that is everywhere on campus.  Now, don't get us wrong.  We loooove the campus rec, but this particular picture is a little...shall we say, different?  We are sure the gentleman in the picture is, in fact, very nice and probably likes to use the campus rec as well.  But the particular way his expression is?  It's a little creepy.  We've been to the rec numerous amounts of times, but hardly any of the students and faculty using the weight equipment look quite this happy.  In fact, none of them do.  He has a very nice smile, to be sure.  But his expression is a litle intense, and it kind of scares us a little.

     Let's come up with some less intense advertisements for the campus rec, shall we?  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and enjoy coming to the rec to find those select few who exercise with such passion).

Sinderely,

killa & barney

Day 45-Biology and The Insistence of Evolution

Dear UNL,

We would like to present you with a Reader Advisory Message.  If you are easily offended, please STOP READING, seriously, just stop...now.  We are going to try to be as politically correct as possible, however this is HIGHLY unlikely. And for that we apologize.

Biology classes are unfortunately a prerequisite here at dear ol' UNL, which would be all fine and dandy, except that the THEORY of evolution is shoved down your throat in this class.  Once again, if you are offended easily, stop reading.  Evolution is the ONLY aspect of science taught in these classes, and quite frankly if you don't agree with it, well sucks to be you doesn't it?

For those of us who believe in Creation, or (since we are being politically correct) those who believe in the flying spaghetti monster or anything else, we would simply like some variety in the curriculum.  Evolution is still a THEORY, and therefore other views should be considered.  Why our beloved school decided the only way to teach science is through evolution, is beyond us.

Stay classy UNL! We we always love you (but not being force-fed evolution)

Sincerely,
barney & killa

Day 41-Creepy Baby Antenna Topper

Dear UNL,

     We found this on a random car in the parking lot.  Frankly, we find this CREEPY!  WHY IS THERE A BABY ON THEIR ANTENNA?!?!?!?!?!  WHYWHYWHY?!  We are going to go cry..... and possibly have nightmares. :(

Sincerely,
killa & barney

Day 40-Burr Hall Decor

Dear UNL,

     You really must tell all the other dorms on campus to get a step up on things, this holiday season.  The guys in the Burr Hall dorms really have a leg up on the competition.

     Driving by the Burr Hall parking lot, if you look up towards the windows, you'll see the christmas tree and christmas lights that the guys have put up.  It's very festive and brings a little of the Holiday Spirit to everyone.  We sure do like to see the lights up on campus. It's a grand effort the the Burr Hall guys.  Well done, Burr Hall.  We applaud the guys in your dorm.  Keep it up!

    Students, staff, and readers alike, take a stroll or drive around campus and look for the Holiday lights.  If you see any, send us a pic, we'll be sure to add it!  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and the spirit you bring to the occasion).

Sincerely,
killa & barney

Day 39-Schorr Building

Dear UNL,

     If you walk around City Campus alot, you might already know about the Schorr Building.  If not, let us tell you.

     Next to/underneath/connected to/adjacent.  Those are many words to describe the location of the Schorr building in relation to Memorial Stadium.  Now, we really have no idea what the Schorr building is for.  Sure the sign says Computer Science Center and Engineering, but after that.... we have no clue.  But if you walk over there at night, you'll see the Husker Red glow emitting from the building.  It's really quite beautiful!  And nothing says school pride like a building lit up in HUSKER RED. It kind of gives the Schorr building an eerie glow at times, if you look at it just the right way, but other than the occasional shiver that runs down your spine, it's pretty cool.

     Take time out of your nightly walk to experience the power of red.  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and the Husker red glow).

Sincerely,
killa & barney

 

Day 38 Love Library

Dear UNL,

     Husker Nation, let's reminisce about the main library here on UNL's campus.  Love library.  The library in question is one of the many surprises.

     First of all, in order to find your way around Love Library, one would need a Marauder's Map, courtesy of Harry Potter.  There are so many twists, turns, ups, downs, secret passageways and dead ends, I'm surprised we made it out alive.  Our sense of direction isn't always fantastic and spending enough time in the small rooms of many books, you might possibly lose all sense of direction.  But have no fear, just walk out, keep your right hand on the wall, & you'll find your way out eventually.

     Secondly, there are many different books in the Library!  Yes, we know you are sitting there saying "DUH! Of course there are alot of books at the LIBRARY! " But bare with us.  Spend enough time in the somewhat scary rooms, where the shelving units seem to squeeze closer and closer as you mosey your way further into the recesses of the underbelly of the library, and you'll understand.  There are volumes upon volumes of old and current magazine's such as Reader's Digest, Time, and Life.  Magazines from as early as the 1860's.  It's holding a piece of history!  How awesome is that?!  We think it's pretty awesome.

     Thirdly, we are pretty sure that Moaning Myrtle lives in the women's bathroom in the basement of Love Library.  We are not even kidding.  We're so for real it's ridiculous.  So ridiculous, it's for real.  What other explanation is there when you are standing at the sink, no where near the toilets and a toilet at the opposite end of the bathroom flushes, and no one walks out.  Obviously Moaning Myrtle.  There's no other explanation.

     So, students, take an adventure.  Maybe even get a little lost and discover a bit of history while you're at it.  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and fear getting lost).

Sincerely,
killa & barney

Day 37-Stairs that Lead Nowhere

Dear UNL,

We are the stairs that don't lead anywhere, 

we just lead you down to a dead end.  

If you ask us, why we don't lead anywhere, 

We'll just tell you, we don't lead to anywhere.

well I've never led to Greenland


and I've never led to Denver


I've never led to treasure in ST Louie or ST Paul


and I've never led to Moscow


and I've never led to Tampa


and I've never led to Boston in the fall

We are the stairs that don't lead anywhere, 

we just lead you down to a dead end.  

If you ask us, why we don't lead anywhere, 

We'll just tell you, we don't lead to anywhere.

and I've never tripped a student

and I've never swabbed the landing

and I've never veered to the right, because I don’t go anywhere at all

and I've never been a gang plank

and I've never owned a teacher

and I've never led to Boston in the fall

We are the stairs that don't lead anywhere, 

we just lead you down to a dead end.  

If you ask us, why we don't lead anywhere, 

We'll just tell you, we don't lead to anywhere.

I've never plucked a rooster

and I am not too good at ping-pong

and I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall

and I've never kissed a Husker,

and I've never gotten head lice

and I have never led to Boston in the fall

We are the stairs that don't lead anywhere, 

we just lead you down to a dead end.   

If you ask us, why we don't lead anywhere, 

We'll just tell you, we don't lead to anywhere.  

and I've never licked a football

and I've always sniffed a stinky shoe

and I've never painted Daisies on a big red rubber ball

and I've never bathed in anything

and I don't look good in leggings

and I've never led to Boston in the fall

We are the stairs that don't lead anywhere, 

we just lead you down to a dead end.  

If you ask us, why we don't lead anywhere, 

We'll just tell you, we don't lead to anywhere.

We’d like to take this moment to thank Veggie Tales.  Students and professors alike, take time out of your day to sing silly songs with barney and killa.

Stay classy UNL, we will always love you!

Sincerely,

barney and killa

Day 36 - Children Left Unattended

Dear UNL, 

PLEASE DO NOT USE CITY CAMPUS AS YOUR CHILDREN BABYSITTING SERVICE.  TEACH THEM TO STAY AWAY FROM STRANGER'S CARS!  STRANGER DANGER DOES NOT MEAN "OOOO! CANDY! I SHOULD JUMP IN THE CAR AND EAT IT!"

Please parents, please. DO NOT leave your little boy (or any children to be exact....we don't want to discriminate) children unattended around Memorial Stadium.

Stay classy UNL, by not expecting us to babysit your children.

Sincerely, 

barney & killa

Day 35-Nike Shocks Guy

Dear UNL,

     Here on campus there is this certain person.  This person wears HUMUNGO Nike Shock shoes.  The reason we are bringing this up is because everywhere we go.... we notice these shoe prints.  IN THE EXACT SAME PATH WE ARE TAKING!   Now we aren't sure if this is a guy or a girl.  But we think it must be a guy since the shoes are so HUGE!

And by huge, we don't just mean belonging to your average football player, or basketball star.  No....we are referring to none other than the BIGFOOT of nike shocks at UNL.  He gives us great amusement and entertainment.  killa gets to watch as barney makes a fool of themselves and attempts to walk in bigfoot's "footprints".   However, this only works in the snow...and barney imagines the footprints in the summer sometimes.....we are a bit concerned.

We wish we knew who left these footprints.  Sometimes, during class or walking on campus, barney finds themselves looking at anyone who wears Nike Shocks and measuring up to the footprints.  But, alas.  we have yet to find Bigfoot.  

If you ever happen to find this person, please contact us at dearunl.blogspot.com.  There will be a reward.

Stay classy UNL, we will always love you!

Sincerely, 

barney and killa

Day 34 - Man on Sidewalk

Dear UNL, 

As we were wandering into the city campus union one afternoon, we discovered a very special man.  His name? Bartholomew.  He was last seen on one specific cement block outside the union....and will probably still be there.  He is dressed head to toe in black....including his skin.  He has no feet, or fingers, and is missing a neck.  If you see him, please let us know.  We would like to add him to our work team.

Thanks ever so much!  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and look for Bartholomew).

Sincerely,

barney & killa

Day 33-Architecture Hall

Dear UNL,

     There is a building on campus that is unlike any other building on UNL's campus.  This particular building is located on City Campus and it's a bit hidden from the every day path of the usual student.  The building we are talking about is the Architecture Hall, located to the south west of the Westbrook building.  We, for one, had no idea this building was here.  It's a special building hidden in the trees.

     When first walkig up to it, you will see a pretty red brick building that doesn't look like it quite belongs in the capitol of Nebraska.  Maybe somewhere in England or New York.  However, once you go in the double doors to the north of the building, you realize that there is more to the building that what you see on the out side.  Walking inside, you see levels upon levels or chairs, stair cases, and the elevator. Continue walking inside and you see the other part of the building.  Believe it or not, the red part of the Arch Hall building was added onto another building.  The College of Law building to be exact.  It's a building within a building.  It looks pretty awesome if we do say so ourselves. 

     So, take a look for yourselves, fellow students, and take part in enjoying the structuring and architecture that is present.  Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you(and be confused when we first see buildings in buildings).

Sincerely,
killa & barney

Day 32 - Union Creepers?

Dear UNL,

We were very concerned tonight sitting in the union, causally minding our own business eating some banana chocolate chip ice cream from the dairy store.  You see, there were 4 hooded figures in all red monk-esque robes walking through the union in a straight line; if we didn't know better, we would have said they were the Dementors themselves....

Not only did they walk creepily in a straight line with their hoods drawn, but they were glaring at any and all passers-by.  We just tried to avoid looking at their eyes.............

Stay classy UNL.  We will always love you! (But will be mortally terrified of your hooded figures...)

Sincerely,
barney and killa

Day 31 - Powdered Eggs

Dear UNL,

Although we spent the entire last letter raving about how wonderful your food is, we do have one conundrum which we cannot solve.  Powdered eggs?! It is understandable to only serve those at City campus dining halls, sure, there are plenty of vegans who appreciate this, we are sure.  However, what about the rest of us meat-and-egg-eating community? Would some REAL eggs even at the East Campus Union hurt anyone?? They produce their own eggs here at UNL, so why not put them to good use in the community of college students?

For those of us who enjoy REAL, not dry & powdery with-questionable-contents eggs, we are desperately seeking your assistance.

Stay Classy UNL. We will always love you, just maybe not your powdered egg substitute.

Sincerely,
barney and killa

Day 30- Selleck Dining Hall

Dear UNL,

     Today was the start of a brand new adventure.  It took in part of going out of our comfort zones and blasting in, guns ablazing.  Ok, well maybe not guns ablazing.  More like walking inside the doors of Selleck slowly, wondering if anyone was going to stop us.  See, we've never been to the Selleck Dining Hall before, and it was something we were willing to try. Granted, that was in part of barney's incessant need of food..... Yes. That was part of the blame.

     However, the adventure in and of itself, is definitely worth the recount.  We are sure you will all enjoy the misfortunes that befell some in the dining hall.  First of all, when walking into the Selleck Dining Hall, make sure the lady who is taking your money is, in fact, paying attention to you paying (that is, if you're paying with cash) for your meal.  Other wise, she'll give you the incorrect change and vast amounts of confusion ensues.  She'll catch you as you are walking away, talking to your friends and not even looking at the change she gave you, prefering instead, to trust those employed by the great state of Nebraska and it's secondary schooling.  Fellow students, don't trust those employed.  Not that we are saying that they are keeping your change on purpose, but sometimes when people start talking while they are supposed to be working, some things are pushed to the side and only partially accounted for.  Once she catches you, she'll ask you what change she gave you.  This tactic we believe is partially pushed by the Mathematics department.  They are requiring you to think on your feet and be able to do math with the snap of your fingers.  If you are like barney, this will come with some difficulty, leaning towards sticking your hand out to the "lunch lady" for her to count, as you know it will go faster if she does it instead of you.  If you are like killa, the math will be easy cheesy and you'll have counted your change, remembered what you paid with, have subtracted it from the cost of your meal and demanded your correct change.  (Actually, if you're like killa, you will have used a meal plan like most students on campus).  Once the confusion is fixed and you have the correct change and the lunch lady is subdued, you are free to find a seat in the vast array of tables and chairs that is the Selleck Hall Dining Area.  Good luck.  May the force be with you.

     Once you've found a spot to pop a squat and you've set all your belongings down, it's time to experience the amazingness of food.  Imagine with us.  You are walking past the tables, past the lunch lady with minute mathematical problems and to the lines of food.  Look to your left and you see the beverage line, the silverware, and the ice cream.  Slowly move your head towards the middle and you see the salad bar, ethinic food, and good old pizza!  Move to the right and you see turkey burgers, french fries, rows upon rows of cereal, and yet another salad bar.  Could this be any more perfect?!  Go for it.  We dare you.  Pick up a plate and eat your way into oblivion.  All you can eat for the low price of $7.25.  Sounds perfect for the college student.

     One of the nice things about the Dining Hall in Selleck, is that it is the prime spot for people watching.  People don't think when they eat, so anytime it's customary for people to eat, you get to see their true sides.  Take, for instance,  the one guy we noticed sitting by himself, watching/reading something on his computer screen.  He was also attempting, yes attempting, to eat noodles at the same time.  He had his headphones in and was totally engrossed in whatever was on the screen.  Now as he is getting ready to take another bite, something happens on the screen and his attention is thus diverted and his attempt to shovel the noodles into his mouth is thwarted.  His noodles slip, unnoticed, off his fork onto the table top, almost onto his lap.   We were not aware that it was customary to eat your noodles off the table.

     Other things we've noticed are as follows:

• If you are a college aged male, you are required to shove 7 pieces of pizza into your mouth at one time.
• Spoons and forks are just a suggestion.  Just because they are there and available, doesn't mean you have to use them.
• The strawberries and cream are very popular choices at the Selleck Dining Hall.
• Napkins are also, only a suggestion.
• Talking with your mouth full and extremely open is, surprisingly, polite here in the world of college students.  (unfortuntately)

     These are the times we've experienced in our first time at the Selleck Dining Hall.  Stay classy, UNL. We will always love you (and cringe at the manners of the college students).

Sincerely,
killa & barney

Day 29- UNL Cornhusker Marching Band

Dear UNL,

We would like to thank you. Early in the morning, when walking to the campus Rec, or to class, or maybe for some of you fellow readers and students, to the library, we are able to enjoy the wonderous sounds of the UNL Marching Band. If you happen to be walking past Memorial Stadium, you might (as we have) stop for a moment or two to watch the band practice.

We know for us, walking past during the practice takes us back to the good old days. We reminisce of the days in our very own high school marching bands. The shout of commands from the band director and the incessant, mind numbing, soul hitting beat of the metronome. Yes. It takes us back.

We've even found ourselves (unknowingly, of course) stepping in time to the music we hear, not so much trickling more like blaring, out of the stadium. Imagine our surprise when we even notice that we are in step!! Marching band has been ingrained in our minds so much that 3 or 4 years later, we are still, shall we say, brainwashed.

It was almost as if we weren't in control of our bodies! But don't get us wrong. We thoroughly enjoy the small trips down memory lane. It's ok to get stuck in the past. However, if anyone ever wants to take over the world, might we suggest an extra loud, extra annoying metronome and a hard as heck band director to call out commands. We promise all current and past marching band kids will find themselves snapping to attention and marching in lockstep. A full response shouting, command following, crowd of drones. It will be entertaining, we promise you that.

UNL Cornhusker Marching Band, keep at it, you sound great. Stay classy, UNL. We will always love you (and march in lockstep to society's expectations).

Sincerely,
killa & barney

Day 28- Creeper at UNL Rec Center C/O UNL

Dear Creeper,

Please do not stare openly at us while we work on the total body circuit. It's quite unnerving and very, very creepy. Just because we are in your direct line of vision, doesn't mean we want to be the object of your interest. There are TV's by you. WATCH THEM! Contrary to popular belief, we do not come to the Rec Center to be gawked at, stared at, leered at, or even laughed at (though, we didn't see you doing that....at least openly). Are we at the ZOO?! No, so if you're going to look, look quick and look away. We caught you and then it got awkward.

K thanksbye! Stay classy, UNL. We will always love you (and watch out for creepers at the Rec).

Sincerely,
killa & barney

Day 27- The Fountain

Dear UNL,

     We should all take time to stop by the fountain outside of the City Union and take a moment to dip our feet in while it is still somewhat nice outside.  Soon, the water will be drained and we will all have to wait until next May, to experience the feeling of the cool water.  So, students of UNL, if you're passing by the fountain, take a load off.  Dip your feet into the magical waters and see if you are the recipient of magical powers!

     Stay classy, UNL.  We will always love you.

Sincerely,
killa & barney