Day 1- Stalkers

Dear UNL,

    What is with the stalkers!?  We've been here for a year already and we've racked up about 25 stalkers already.  That is just so not cool. Did we miss something?  Is there a clause on the UNL application that states "May be subject to several stalkers.  Some creepy and disturbing and others just plain annoying."  If that's so, I believe we both missed.

    Not that UNL, you are a great school, but a little warning would have been nice.  For some things we like to be prepared.

    Althought, we have had some great times with our stalkers.  Take Cowboy Bob, for instance.  We had a good laugh when he helped with that stupid car. Unfortunately his chivalry was rewarded with a drop of scalding oil in his eye.  Thankfully he survived, but was still in select stalker status.

    We have had a couple in Premier stalker status. Let's go with CG, or Creepy Giggler.  ASCI 100 was a great class to have a creeper.  Please note our sarcasm.  Watching us all class period is just....WEIRD! Like, look around every once in a while, or something!!  Or maybe make it not so obvious?!  Yes.  That's a plan.  Make it not so obvious.  However, when you are in the unio, please don't ever change.  We do truly love to laugh at your giggling while reading the paper.  Now don't think we can't see your eyes looking at us over the tope of your paper, because we do.  But when you laugh about something you read, we enjoy the four year old girl giggle that you have.  We enjoy laughing at you.  That's the truth.

    Another group that have Premier stalker status  went out to the three guys at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  Those guys were just.....creepy.  Now, UNL,  we know that you are thinking; "There's no Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory here on campus.  What you talking about, Willis?"  Buuuuuut, if we didn't have such weirdos on your campus, we wouldn't have to leave campus to go to the mall.  Little did we know the mall would be worse.  We'd get our snocones and "mall walk".  Can you guess what the little freakazoids were doing?  Watching us out their window in the back, until we pass out of view.  When they weren't hiding their creepy butts in the back, they'd all gather in the front and talk, and as we walked by the front counter, they would stop until we were almost passed.  We are pretty sure they were only, like, 16.  At least two out of the three.  It was just weird.

    We have many more, but none that have stories as amusing as those.  So until next time!  UNL, stay classy!  We will always love you!

Sincerely,
killa & barney