Dear UNL,
Open your eyes and feast them on an object of magical goodness. Not only is it glamarous, it is saving the environment one piece of trash at a time. No, silly college children. It's not a trash hoarding squirrel. Or Oscar the Grouch in sumo wrestler form. Wait..... Oscar the Grouch in sumo wrestling form? Nah, it couldn't be.... or could it?
No, our dear friends, it is a SOLAR POWERED TRASH COMPACTER! Yes, UNL has OFFICIALLY become technologically advanced. Open the cute little black door and pop your trash in. Wait for morning and VOILA! Trash has been compacted.
We have never actually witnessed this phenomena, but we believe this is how it works. You see, there are these little solar panels, black they are. And when the sun shines down on them, they store the electricity. Ok, no, not really. UNL just wants you to think we are technologically advanced. Actually we have thoughts that the campus is capturing squirrels and forcing them to work in the trash compactors.
Until we have further proof, please do not march up to the administration and demand they let the squirrels go free. Stay classy, UNL. We will always love you(and not condone sforced squirrel labor).
S.ave our
Q.uirky
U.ndeniably
I.rresitable
R.ambunctionsly
R.adtasticly
E.xistentially
L.ovable
S.quirrels.
Sincerely,
killa & barney
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