Dear UNL
Pheromones: Substance released in minute amounts by an animal that causes a specific response when detected by another animal. (Webster's Dictionary)
Mean-amones: A chemical emitted that triggers evil glares from random girls, due to jealousy and rage; source of chemical....unknown. (killa's brilliant mind)
Those two little words up there have been on our minds for quite some time. We don't really know what it is about UNL, or rather Lincoln females in general, but those blasted, bloody "Mean-amones" are out to get us. We mean, yeah sure, everyone has a few stalkers, right? But females that (some of them, anyway) glare at you with open hatred every time you see them?!?! There is definitely something wrong with that.
It all started back in September, we want to say, of our first year. The crazy girl in the Dairy Store who decided she was going to watch us the whole time she was eating. If barney got up to go get something, her dagger shooting eyes were following, throwing harpoons at her back. Even killa had no idea what was going on. Did either of us know that girl? No, not in any way what so ever... Did that stop the crazy, psychopathic girl? Not in the slightest. We wish we could say it stops here.... That was our only crazy lady.
Thaaat would make it much to easy, dear UNL. Since then we've each racked up at least 7 or 8 people who are consistent.... and millions and millions of random females who feel it best to glare the heck out of us. Now, don't get into a tizzy. If we had done something completely and utterly awesome, something that everyone would be jealous of, then we'd understand completely. But that's the problem. We have no idea what we did that has garnered us this , to put it plainly, unwanted attention. We wish we had something to stop it as well. Magic powers, shields, mustard gas...maybe even a mean-amone sniffing dragon.
We don't understand and wish you could shed some light onto the situation. It's really starting to get us down. But don't get us wrong. We still love you! Stay classy, UNL!
Sincerely,
killa & barney
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Day 3- Drivers
Dear UNL (and people driving between Lincoln and Omaha, specifically on I80)
The left lane is the FAST lane. Not the I-feel-like-going-five-miles-under-the-speed-limit-lane.
That is all.
Sincerely,
barney & killa
The left lane is the FAST lane. Not the I-feel-like-going-five-miles-under-the-speed-limit-lane.
That is all.
Sincerely,
barney & killa
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Day 2- Husker Authentic
Dear UNL,
Imagine with us; walking by Memorial Stadium, across the street and under the red and white striped tent. Tables upon tables of Husker gear marked down and on clearance. The table directly to your right is piled high with red and black Husker shirts, full of witty sayings. After all, who doesn't want a shirt with "Got Corn?" screen printed across the front? Turn to your left and the "$10 Husker Hat" table is teeming with baseball caps, "N"'s stitched to the front. One particular hat catches your eye. It's a trucker styled cap, fabric in front, mesh panels in the back. The print is camouflaged and an embroidered N, smack dab in the middle You pick it up and lo and behold, you read the tag. "Hidden pocket in brim." Oh my goodness! Say it isn't so! An awesome hat with a hidden pocket? You are obviously jumping up and down with joy right now. A definite steal that most definitely shall be bought.
So you add the hat to your small pile and walk towards the door, passing the other tables, stopping to smile and touch the toddler jerseys that are unbelievably cute. After all, who can resist the minute team Jersey, the matte cream type across the shiny scarlet fabric that is cool and smooth to the touch. In your mind, you might be imagining yourself with your own little toddler Husker in your future.
Continue walking towards the door and take a deep breath, your hand resting on the handle, before you pull open the door and walk in. The breath that you just took mere seconds ago is stolen from you in awe as you gaze upon the treasure of Husker gear as far as your eye can see. No other colors except the scarlet, cream, and black. A sea of Husker pride. Your mouth may or may not drop in astonishment, a possible cry of "Holy Cow" or "Oh my goodness" could escape your lips are you are overcome, your head spinning in amazement.
You walk forward, stumble blindly down the stairs, and turn to your right, to see the building extend to the north for what seems like three football fields. As you continue walking, your head turning every which way trying to take in everything you are seeing, you realize it's only a couple hundred more feet before the store ends. You wander up and down the rows of clothing, wishing you had millions and millions of dollars to spend in this glorious place.
Before you know it, it's time for you to head over to class. Sadly, your dream shopping spree is cut short and you take your ever growing pile to the front counter. As you sadly look over at the other hats and shirts, the employee breaks you out of your reverie to ask, "Do you have an N Card?". You turn back to the front and nod, scrambling to get your ID card out to show her. As she takes it, she asks, "Would you like to charge it on here? Save 25%...". WHAT?! Save money using your N Card? "Of COURSE!" You reply, in eagerness. Now that you know you can get a student discount with your N Card, your purchase doesn't seem so large. As she slides the card and puts your purchase into a bag, you look down lovingly at your N Card. It was about to become your best friend. You say thanks to the employee, grab your bag, and skip happily out the door.
That is the experience we have everytime we step into the Husker Authentic store. Thank you for a wonderous store of beauty and money. So until next time, Stay classy, UNL!! We will always love you!
Sincerely,
killa & barney
Imagine with us; walking by Memorial Stadium, across the street and under the red and white striped tent. Tables upon tables of Husker gear marked down and on clearance. The table directly to your right is piled high with red and black Husker shirts, full of witty sayings. After all, who doesn't want a shirt with "Got Corn?" screen printed across the front? Turn to your left and the "$10 Husker Hat" table is teeming with baseball caps, "N"'s stitched to the front. One particular hat catches your eye. It's a trucker styled cap, fabric in front, mesh panels in the back. The print is camouflaged and an embroidered N, smack dab in the middle You pick it up and lo and behold, you read the tag. "Hidden pocket in brim." Oh my goodness! Say it isn't so! An awesome hat with a hidden pocket? You are obviously jumping up and down with joy right now. A definite steal that most definitely shall be bought.
So you add the hat to your small pile and walk towards the door, passing the other tables, stopping to smile and touch the toddler jerseys that are unbelievably cute. After all, who can resist the minute team Jersey, the matte cream type across the shiny scarlet fabric that is cool and smooth to the touch. In your mind, you might be imagining yourself with your own little toddler Husker in your future.
Continue walking towards the door and take a deep breath, your hand resting on the handle, before you pull open the door and walk in. The breath that you just took mere seconds ago is stolen from you in awe as you gaze upon the treasure of Husker gear as far as your eye can see. No other colors except the scarlet, cream, and black. A sea of Husker pride. Your mouth may or may not drop in astonishment, a possible cry of "Holy Cow" or "Oh my goodness" could escape your lips are you are overcome, your head spinning in amazement.
You walk forward, stumble blindly down the stairs, and turn to your right, to see the building extend to the north for what seems like three football fields. As you continue walking, your head turning every which way trying to take in everything you are seeing, you realize it's only a couple hundred more feet before the store ends. You wander up and down the rows of clothing, wishing you had millions and millions of dollars to spend in this glorious place.
Before you know it, it's time for you to head over to class. Sadly, your dream shopping spree is cut short and you take your ever growing pile to the front counter. As you sadly look over at the other hats and shirts, the employee breaks you out of your reverie to ask, "Do you have an N Card?". You turn back to the front and nod, scrambling to get your ID card out to show her. As she takes it, she asks, "Would you like to charge it on here? Save 25%...". WHAT?! Save money using your N Card? "Of COURSE!" You reply, in eagerness. Now that you know you can get a student discount with your N Card, your purchase doesn't seem so large. As she slides the card and puts your purchase into a bag, you look down lovingly at your N Card. It was about to become your best friend. You say thanks to the employee, grab your bag, and skip happily out the door.
That is the experience we have everytime we step into the Husker Authentic store. Thank you for a wonderous store of beauty and money. So until next time, Stay classy, UNL!! We will always love you!
Sincerely,
killa & barney
Friday, September 17, 2010
Day 1- Stalkers
Dear UNL,
What is with the stalkers!? We've been here for a year already and we've racked up about 25 stalkers already. That is just so not cool. Did we miss something? Is there a clause on the UNL application that states "May be subject to several stalkers. Some creepy and disturbing and others just plain annoying." If that's so, I believe we both missed.
Not that UNL, you are a great school, but a little warning would have been nice. For some things we like to be prepared.
Althought, we have had some great times with our stalkers. Take Cowboy Bob, for instance. We had a good laugh when he helped with that stupid car. Unfortunately his chivalry was rewarded with a drop of scalding oil in his eye. Thankfully he survived, but was still in select stalker status.
We have had a couple in Premier stalker status. Let's go with CG, or Creepy Giggler. ASCI 100 was a great class to have a creeper. Please note our sarcasm. Watching us all class period is just....WEIRD! Like, look around every once in a while, or something!! Or maybe make it not so obvious?! Yes. That's a plan. Make it not so obvious. However, when you are in the unio, please don't ever change. We do truly love to laugh at your giggling while reading the paper. Now don't think we can't see your eyes looking at us over the tope of your paper, because we do. But when you laugh about something you read, we enjoy the four year old girl giggle that you have. We enjoy laughing at you. That's the truth.
Another group that have Premier stalker status went out to the three guys at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. Those guys were just.....creepy. Now, UNL, we know that you are thinking; "There's no Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory here on campus. What you talking about, Willis?" Buuuuuut, if we didn't have such weirdos on your campus, we wouldn't have to leave campus to go to the mall. Little did we know the mall would be worse. We'd get our snocones and "mall walk". Can you guess what the little freakazoids were doing? Watching us out their window in the back, until we pass out of view. When they weren't hiding their creepy butts in the back, they'd all gather in the front and talk, and as we walked by the front counter, they would stop until we were almost passed. We are pretty sure they were only, like, 16. At least two out of the three. It was just weird.
We have many more, but none that have stories as amusing as those. So until next time! UNL, stay classy! We will always love you!
Sincerely,
killa & barney
What is with the stalkers!? We've been here for a year already and we've racked up about 25 stalkers already. That is just so not cool. Did we miss something? Is there a clause on the UNL application that states "May be subject to several stalkers. Some creepy and disturbing and others just plain annoying." If that's so, I believe we both missed.
Not that UNL, you are a great school, but a little warning would have been nice. For some things we like to be prepared.
Althought, we have had some great times with our stalkers. Take Cowboy Bob, for instance. We had a good laugh when he helped with that stupid car. Unfortunately his chivalry was rewarded with a drop of scalding oil in his eye. Thankfully he survived, but was still in select stalker status.
We have had a couple in Premier stalker status. Let's go with CG, or Creepy Giggler. ASCI 100 was a great class to have a creeper. Please note our sarcasm. Watching us all class period is just....WEIRD! Like, look around every once in a while, or something!! Or maybe make it not so obvious?! Yes. That's a plan. Make it not so obvious. However, when you are in the unio, please don't ever change. We do truly love to laugh at your giggling while reading the paper. Now don't think we can't see your eyes looking at us over the tope of your paper, because we do. But when you laugh about something you read, we enjoy the four year old girl giggle that you have. We enjoy laughing at you. That's the truth.
Another group that have Premier stalker status went out to the three guys at Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. Those guys were just.....creepy. Now, UNL, we know that you are thinking; "There's no Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory here on campus. What you talking about, Willis?" Buuuuuut, if we didn't have such weirdos on your campus, we wouldn't have to leave campus to go to the mall. Little did we know the mall would be worse. We'd get our snocones and "mall walk". Can you guess what the little freakazoids were doing? Watching us out their window in the back, until we pass out of view. When they weren't hiding their creepy butts in the back, they'd all gather in the front and talk, and as we walked by the front counter, they would stop until we were almost passed. We are pretty sure they were only, like, 16. At least two out of the three. It was just weird.
We have many more, but none that have stories as amusing as those. So until next time! UNL, stay classy! We will always love you!
Sincerely,
killa & barney
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